Dick Small’s dashed dream

05Oct06

With the help of my good buddy Jen, I was able to dig up some buried photos of Dick Small’s past.

He claims that he never wants to hear the Greatest American Hero theme song ever again. Could it be because he was rejected at auditions for the show?

Here is a photo from the first audition.

click picture for larger view

Looks pretty normal. The problem was, it was too normal. The studio told him he lacked that certain something. Oh, and also that his acting just sucked, so he shouldn’t quit his day job, which at the time was assistant manager at Chuck E. Cheese.

Dick was crushed.

He found out that William Katt got the part, and went crazy. Like, almost Tom Cruise crazy.

“What does William Katt have that I don’t?” he asked his first wife (who later left him for William Katt).

It turned out that what Dick was lacking (aside from talent) was curly blonde hair. So, off Dick went to the salon. This is the result.

Warning: If you have a heart condition do not continue reading this post. If you have small children, send them out of the room now.


click picture for larger view… if you really must

Alas, Dick’s efforts did not pay off. He was shunned by every studio in Hollywood. And, clearly, the porn industry was out of the question… no porn star is going to be named Dick Small. He went to the nearest dive bar and drank beer (which he still likes to this day), until he was arrested for trying to fly off of the bar “because the suit gives me power!!”. He got beat up pretty bad in jail, as you can imagine.

So, that is the story of why Dick doesn’t ever want to hear the theme song again.

*images provided by Jen

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