A letter to Mr. C. Crawly…


Dear Mr. Creepy Crawly-
I’m writing to you to ask you to stop biting me in the middle of the night. Or anytime, really, but you seem to be partial to biting me while I sleep.

You’re very sneaky. When I slip between the sheets I never see you. And, in the morning when I wake up I don’t see you either. I don’t know if you’re a spider or what.

Is biting me just part of your 8 hour workday? Do you have a tiny little briefcase, and you kiss your little creepy crawly wife and kids goodbye each morning, as your wife hands you a tiny bag lunch, and your kids run off to catch the ‘lil creepy crawly school bus? And you head out the door, to meet your bite quota for the day, and I’m on the list?

Do you get paid extra to bite me in particular areas? I mean, I never have a bite on the back of my hand, or on my forearm. It’s always under my arm, or on my waist where my pants will rub and irritate the bite every time I move, or some other delicate and tender area.

I don’t want you to lose your job, or have your family go hungry or anything like that. And, I don’t want to have to kill you. I’m sure you could be persuaded to remove me from your list, and maybe seek out other potential bite victims. Because if I do see you it’s not gonna be pretty.

It’s not a threat, Mr. Creepy Crawly… it’s a promise. Think of your family.



6 Responses to “A letter to Mr. C. Crawly…”

  1. 1 dirty

    I MUST have a pair of those shoes.

    Maybe Mr. Creepy Crawly has a crush on you and is just trying to get your attention…you never know.

  2. 2 Nobody

    Have you considered a can of RAID?

  3. 3 Dick Small

    So Amy I never see you anymore. I embarrassed myself JUST for you, and what thanks do I get???? TOTAL stand off. Well, that’s okay. I “understand”. You get used to those kinds of “friends” in Washington. Nice shoes, by the way.

  4. 4 Amy

    The shoes are awesome, but are not mine. I might buy them and use them for extermination purposes, though.

    Raid on my bed? No thanks, Nobody.

    Sorry I’ve been a lurker, Dick.

  5. 5 Zed

    Maybe there’s more than just one Mr. Crawly?? Just a thought… not a pleasant, understood.

  6. 6 Lynda

    They always seem to bite me in my arse.

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