You may know that Jen over at Casual Slack has a thing for Pop-Tarts. And, who can really blame her… they are delicious.

Well, the geniuses over at Kelloggs decided to make a new product called Go-Tarts. They’ve taken everything we love about Pop-Tarts and put it into a nifty stick shape so that it’s portable and we can take it wherever we go!!

Imagine the possibilities! We can have it on the bus, on a train, on a plane, while we take a walk… we can whip it out at the big game, or at the park!! Need a snack between classes? Pull one of these puppies out of your backpack and proceed to scarf it down to eliminate the munchies!

Let’s say you’re driving along merrily to work, and all of a sudden you get a hunger pang. “Damnit!” you think to yourself “I forgot to eat breakfast! I have some Pop-Tarts in the glove box, but those are not stick shaped… those are not portable… I don’t even know why I have them in the glove box. Oh wait, it’s from that time I got stoned on my lunch hour…” Replace those un-travel-friendly Pop-Tarts with Go-Tarts, and your breakfast worries are over!!!

Why didn’t someone think of this before? All of the times in my life when I was just jonesing for mouthwatering “fruit” wrapped in delectable frosted “pastry”…. How did we ever survive without Go-Tarts???? Really, HOW?

Oh, I know… we ate fucking Pop-Tarts. Which are already fucking portable. This is the stupidist thing I’ve ever heard of (ok, I’m sure that’s not true, but seriously).

15 Responses to “Go-Tarts!”

  1. 1 Zed

    PopTarts were just fine without the stick.

    What’s this marketing ploy all about anyway? I don’t need or want my food on wooden sticks! I don’t want even the slightest possibility that I might be digesting bits of a wooden stick.

    What nutso focus group told Kelloggs this was the way to go?

    rant over: 2:03 est…

  2. 2 Amy

    I don’t think they’re on a wooden stick, Zed… they are just in a stick shape. A slimmer pop tart.

  3. 3 Flannery Alden

    I wondered the same thing, Amy. The only benefit from this “innovation” might be that there is a thicker layer of fruit in each bite. Sadly, there are probably less bites, unless you train yourself to take very small bites.

    How you’re supposed to work out the mathematics of this when you’re stoned, I’ll never know.

  4. 4 Grant Miller

    My mom never let me have pop tarts as a kid. Then I tried them in college and didn’t like them. That’s me in a nutshell.

  5. 5 coffeypot

    You sound stoned, rambling like this. Did you toke one before you wrote this post? Go eat a pop tart and you will feel better. Square or stick, doesn’t matter! Just much away!

  6. 6 Amy

    Flannery- I can’t do math sober either…

    Grant- maybe it should say “didn’t like pop tarts” on your tombstone

    Coffeypot- if I am stoned, it’s on Airborne. My kids are home from school sick today, I’m doing whatever I can to stay healthy. Certainly after an entire weekend trying to fight this off I’m a little looney.

  7. 7 Valerie

    I will eat a box of Chocolate pop-tarts in one sitting, if they are in the house. I don’t like them unless they are toasted, and I need a nice tall glass of milk. But since I have no self-control, I do not even buy them. It’s that bad. I think the last time I had one was in 1996.

  8. 8 Mr. Fabulous

    I can’t believe I am just hearing about this now. I am ALL OVER this…

  9. 9 Nobody

    Now I feel like a douche bag. I bought a box of these yesterday, I was going to blog about how superior they are to regular pop tarts, but then you posted this…

  10. 10 Chris

    Do not question the gods of commerce, Amy. Just buy. Unless, of course, you hate freedom.

  11. 11 Marni

    One day the kids asked me if they could have Lucky Charms or donuts or something like that for breakfast… I said “NO! you don’t need all of that sugar!”… then promptly handed them a pop tart. Even I laughed at the absurdity…

    What a great mom…

    BTW- cherry poptarts are the bomb but they MUST have the frosting… if not, they suck

  12. 12 Jen

    Are they double the price
    because now they are portable???

    I still think you should buy them…

  13. 13 Sans Pantaloons

    I think I shall develop a handy portable pocket microwave ovenette for these delicious treats!

  14. 14 mixednut

    You’ll need the portable m/w because they sure as hell won’t fit in the toaster.

  15. There’s actually a disclaimer on the wrapper that says, “GoTarts ™ are ready to eat and should not be placed in a toaster or microwave.”

    OR ELSE.

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